just edited my blogspot page
and BOII do i love it
if i'm already doing so much for it, that means i'll be surely staying on it
<33
which is good
HAZAAA
and Manda found out Annie; my biatch also has a blogspot
YAY!!
<333333


well heres what i gotta say for today
-sigh-
my knees still fucked up from last Thursdays track training
stupid thing couldnt bend so i couldnt walk
and yesterday i thought it was awesome going back to track training
AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!
it fucks up again ==
but not too much, just a lil
BUT STILL
it hurts like a mother fucker and i cant do much
-cries-
and today was also kinda bad cause i was being a stupid fuckwit and stayed silent
which made Gage worry a lil about me
but what can i say?
i dont wanna always complain to him about my problems
i should, but this is so small and we already talked about it
im basically depressed about how fucked up my body is
with the knee and all
and i already told him and he helped me out
but still i just cant help thinking that maybe Putman (my coach) is gonna kick me out
..well not kick me out but take me fof the team cause hes worried sick about me
unlike other coaches, Putmans awesome
hes someone i would look up to :)

but yeah..
i just hate it
cause last time i did this i got sciatica when i continued
at least this time i'm more healthy, skinny and fit
but i just cant help thinking another part of my bodies fucked
-sigh-
&& i really hate being on the side lines and just watching everyone else have fun
and it especially broke me apart when gage told me to just go home
cause i felt like he didnt want me there and just wanted me to go cause i was useless and there was no point in going
sure, fucking hell i am, but seriously..
but im sure he didnt mean it in that way, but in a way of that he wanted me to get better asap
but seriously.. i gotta say, sometimes what he does might not be what he thinks he says
also how he acts, can be really harsh when it isnt..
=_________=
but theres one thing that made my day today
the fact that i'm glad people in my track team dont say 'oh Amanda dont stay in track cause your already injured' and stuff like that
they say 'hey i know something that might help yah knee out' or 'get better and come train with us'
=) Manda's glad that theres good people in the team
everyones awesome, and i hope to do well with them

other than that..
god..
i miss Australia
cause here i have nothing to do!!
sure, i can hang with friends, Gage and computer
but computer i need something to do on it
friends.. my very closest friends all live in Olancha or Bishop or in Monturay Bay
and Gage, well for the past three weeks hes been either doing homework or hanging with his other friends
guess we gotta take our separate ways for a while =o=
AND DUE TO ALL THIS AM I BORED!!
heck yeah i should go do my story
but i just cant, not in the mood.. cause i like to do this when im happy
lately im just annoyed or depressed
which sucks =,=
so Manda misses Australia
cause in Australia
--i had many friends to hang with, and all were far yet easy to get to BY BUS!
--i could go to places like the city, shoppo, boxhill and all so easily
--no fucking cerfew, so i can be out in the streets round midnight and cops wont care
--places to explore with friends
--easy sleepovers, parties and drinking parties
--school was like always occupiying me even if i was bored
--I HAD MY OWN COMPUTER!!
here its just a struggle
its either i have to have homework, people or events to do unless i'll just be bored
sure this boredom is making me read more
but i dont like forceful reading..
so it sucks

but i gotta say
i truthfully dont regret being here
despite how much of a sacrifice to leave my good friends and all
being here changed me for the better
sure, the last month in Australia is where i actually changed
thats because i opened up myself more since i needed to for my friends
i experienced new events (serious sleepovers, parties, nighclubbing, hanging with close buddies for hours on end, hook-up XD)
and it made me see the fun i could be having in life
heck yeah im sure all my friends who were with me during the last month i had could say the same thing
but coming here with this new experience made me into a better person
and a better person is what i truthfully wished for for a long time
so yeah :)

coming here made me find the one i've been looking for
who is of course my boyfriend Gage :) <33
im kinda truthfully saying how much he means to me here since he wont see it
(&& if anyone shows him i'll deck you!!)
but yeah
back in oz i fell hard for a guy named Alex
im sure whoevers reading this knows him very well
since i've liked him for like, a year and a half?
but yeah..
and even though as hard as i tried to get with him, and even with my friends help, i always failed misserbally
cause i could never have the guts to talk to him and never could i even ask him out, i couldnt even ask him for help in math!!
and for all these years of hoping just to find out that he would never consider to see me as someone to even be friends with
since, like many guys back in oz, they judge people terribly
its like, a thing for them!
their idea girl has to like girls from a magazine, its just so stupid
and so he was just 'a dream' to me since i would always dream about him and in reality always wish he'd notice me
my love life seemed like a fantasy, so i would have never considered to do anything until i was in college
yet knowing most teenagers around here, they would want to at least experience this at least once, even if it may fail or not
so i was always a hopeful girl finding love, and yet to be broken seriously by another guy who'd i'd fallen for
STUPID.... i dont even wanna say his name but readers will recognise him already, was someone that would have made me not even consider getting a boyfriend till i gradutaed college
the things hes done to me.. was just terrible.. tight, cold, whatever!
after seeing him at Lihn's party, i started to get closer with him
sure, i knew who he was, but after that party we were just like good buddies
and after knowing him and always talking to him i developed feelings for him
sure, the thought that he wouldnt wanna go out with me always popped in my head, but after Maria/Steph's birthday party that changed for me
cause during that whole time we were talking and he was always being around me, i felt as if something could happen
and even during Minus 18 underage night club (which was a bomb) did he always hang with me, and my friends give me vibes saying that he liked me
....come on, if a guy starts dancing with you more than others, always gave eye contact with yah and kept touching you and mucking around with you.. wouldn't this be a sign?
but then during a drunk night at my place, i confessed to him just to be harshly rejected by saying that i wasnt his type, he doesnt want me as a girlfriend, he thinks he will break up with me easily even if we become bf gf and the fact that he lectured me in how hes acts in relationships which was sweet and all and then saying it wont suit me...
boy did it hurt
and also when we returned back to the drunk night party which then turned into a sleepover did i discover that he 'apparently' was doing all this shit with my friend and hit on my best friend did it hurt me more
and this was like... right right after my confession
he didn't say sorry but just said it harshly
HE WAS AN ASS

so yeah..
when i started developing feelings a lot for Gage in the last month before coming to Australia
did i think it was hopeless
LIKE SERIOUSLY
someone from Aus who watches American drama could obviously see that American guys 'apparently' are more picky in girls
did i think me being with Gage was like how i felt with Alex
impossible..
like seriously... i was dead serious
ESPECIALLY when i came down here and saw him first thing when i came back from the airport
wow.. i thought to myself 'no way would i get with him' -slaps self- 'give it up'
so i wanted to just be good friends with him at least, cause seriously i didnt think it was possible!
and the weeks that went by always hanging with him, the feelings were just gonna explode
i never felt this way for a guy EVER
maybe was it because i was always hanging with him? was it because i was in a different environment? who knows!
i just.. feel hard for him
yet i wanted these feelings to stop, cause it felt impossible for a guy as good as him to like me
DESPITE THE RUMORS THAT WENT AROUND THAT HE LIKED ME
from KAORU (whos hes best friend) and ASHLEII (a girl he talks a lot who knows me)
and when my birthday was drawing near
all i wanted was for me to at least hang out with him, and hope he wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug :) cause his hugs are awesome
but never in the world did i expect to see him confess to me
i felt like slapping myself silly, asking if this was just a dream
but it wasnt! so he almost made me wanna cry
but i didnt, cause imma bum XD


ahh i feel like im rambling about him
i promise this will be the only rambling ill do for Gage
-shot-
i cant help it though..
Manda loves him so :)
Manda's luckii that shes got Gage
cause hes like, wow, what ever girl could ever want in a guy
like seriously
but yeah, hes mine :D
i wonder what he liked about me that others couldnt see
i wonder..


.....now i dont remember what i was even talking out
-shot-
hahahah
oh well
its getting late
all mah Australia muzzatech buddies should be on soon
so ill stop here





i promise ill write little next time
=D